Investigation Report #847 - The Gravity Incident

Filed June 18, 2026

Reporting Officer:
Buddy B. Cumberland
Director of Operations

Incident Summary

At approximately 2:17 PM, the employee identified as Leo Tiberius Cumberland was observed objecting to gravity.

Witness Statements

Management:
The cat fell off the chair.

Employee:
Gravity acted inappropriately.

Management:
You were asleep.

Employee:
Allegedly.

Management:
Several witnesses observed the event.

Employee:
Where are these witnesses now?

Management:
...

Employee:
Exactly.

Case Status

The witness list has become unavailable.

Management has concerns.

Filed By:
🐕 Buddy B. Cumberland, Director of Operations

Reviewed By:
🐈 Leo Tiberius Cumberland, Senior Vice President of Napping

Editorial Notes:
The cat reviewed this report.
The cat objected to this report.
The cat objected to the publication of this report.
The cat objected to being asked about this report.