Investigation Report #847 - The Gravity Incident
Filed June 18, 2026
Reporting Officer:
Buddy B. Cumberland
Director of Operations
Incident Summary
At approximately 2:17 PM, the employee identified as Leo Tiberius Cumberland was observed falling from a chair and immediately filing an objection to gravity.
Witness Statements
Management:
The cat fell off the chair.
Employee:
Gravity acted inappropriately.
Management:
You were asleep.
Employee:
Allegedly.
Management:
Several witnesses observed the event.
Employee:
Where are these witnesses now?
Management:
...
Employee:
Exactly.
Case Status
The witness list has become unavailable.
Management has concerns.
Filed By:
🐕 Buddy B. Cumberland, Director of Operations
Reviewed By:
🐈 Leo Tiberius Cumberland, Senior Vice President of Napping
Editorial Notes:
The cat reviewed this report.
The cat objected to this report.
The cat objected to the publication of this report.
The cat objected to being asked about this report.
Legal Disclaimer
The publication cannot verify all claims made by the cat.
The cat objects to this disclaimer.
Official Statement from Management
Management believes this disclaimer is reasonable.
Official Statement from the Cat
I object.
